Nerves are information, not failure
Almost every child feels something before a big test day: butterflies, restlessness, sudden certainty they know nothing. That is an ordinary stress response doing its job, and naming it as normal takes away half its power. Tell your child in advance that nerves are expected, that they mean the day matters, and that they fade once the paper starts.
What deserves attention is a change in pattern: sleep that deteriorates for weeks, stomach aches every practice morning, dread that spreads from papers into school and friendships. A bad evening is a bad evening; a bad month is a message.
Keep preparation proportionate
Pressure usually comes from volume, not difficulty: too many papers, too many evenings, no day fully off. Cap practice at a short daily session with one full rest day a week, and defend the rest day the way you would defend sleep — because it is sleep, play, clubs and boredom that keep a child resourced.
Watch your own language as closely as their timetable. Children calibrate to what parents emphasise: praise showing up and effort, never scores, and never discuss other children's results within earshot. The fastest way to raise the stakes unbearably high is to treat the test as a verdict on the child rather than a morning with some questions in it.
Build the day before the day
Familiarity is the antidote to dread. Visit the school if you can, walk the route, try the official familiarisation materials so the format holds no surprises, and agree the small logistics early: what they will eat, wear and bring. Decisions made calmly in advance are not made anxiously on the morning.
In the final week, do less, not more. Taper practice down, keep bedtimes boring, and plan something enjoyable for after the test that happens whatever the outcome. A child who knows Saturday holds something good walks in lighter.
When to pause, and who to ask
Pause preparation — properly, for days, without guilt — if practice regularly ends in tears, if sleep or appetite changes for more than a week or two, or if your child asks to stop. A pause costs far less than pushing through: knowledge keeps, while dread compounds.
If worry persists beyond the test, affects school life, or you are concerned about your child's mental health, talk to their teacher and your GP. That is what they are for, and asking early is always better than asking late.